The Guilt Fic
by destiel.has.ruined.me.fml
Summary: Danisnotonfire (Dan Howell) and AmazingPhil (Phil Lester) have an argument and this Phan fic shows the aftermath of this argument. This is my first Fanfic and Phanfic so I'd love your feedback!


Phil slumped down onto his bed, burrowing his face into his pillow. He wrapped his quilt around himself, admiring the warm embrace. He takes a deep breath before he shuts his eyes, the same image flashes in the colourful flickers of light that he sees, the dots and smudges form into a pulsing image. Dan. Those bright eyes of his lost all of their warmth, cold and angry. Phil squeezes the pillow underneath his head so hard that every muscle in his body contracts. He clenches his jaw, trying to stop the tears which trickle down his cheek...drip...drip...drip... creating a damp spot on his pillow. Phil tries his hardest to hold back his tears but all that he can do is sob. Choking and coughing, Phil sits upright on his bed and runs his fingers through his hair, hiccuping as he breathes, trying to understand what had just happened. He steadies his breathing but after a few seconds, Phil scrunches up his face and once again he cannot control his tears. He shoves his head into his hands and pulls on his hair, he closes his eyes as tight as possible. He tries to relax... One... Two... "I HATE YOU!" Phil bellows, shaking. He walks over to his mirror and stares into it, he no longer sees himself. His hair is a mess, his face is red and covered in tear tracks, his eyes had lost their colour, they're cold. Icy. He wipes away the tears from his bloodshot eyes and takes one last look at himself. He no longer sees AmazingPhil, he sees a coward.

Slowly, Phil approaches his door. Only a few feet away, Dan is somewhere next door. Silently, Phil opens his door and shuffles to Dans door. He places his hand on the handle... Just open the door... Just one small push... He doesn't open it. He leans on the door, his forehead pressed against Dans door, Phil looks down at his legs, his knees are buckling, though he may be over 6ft in height, he has never felt any smaller. Phil opens his mouth, ready to speak. "D-" Phil struggles, his voice is broken and his throat hurts whenever he tries to talk. "Da-n... I'm sor-sorry" Phil whispers. He listens closely, hoping to hear Dan on the other side of the door. After 10 minutes, Phil finally hears something. A faint whine. Phil opens the door with hesitation, Dan doesn't notice, Phil only opened the door by an inch but now he can hear everything. The faint, muffled sobs. Dan screams into his pillow, it absorbs all of the noise. Had Dan been like that since the argument? "Why why why why why... I'm so... so sorry Phil... I'd be better off dead..." Dan cries into his pillow. Phil inhales sharply, did Dan just say that he'd be better off dead? "Why do I always screw things up?" Dan mumbles, "Screw this." Dans voice breaks as he says this and the words fade to coughs and hiccups. He's crying just as much as Phil did, possibly even more.

Phil enters Dans room, still unnoticed. He stares at Dan, whose face is buried deep in his bedding, his hair is all over the place, his fringe drenched in tears. Phil holds his breath as he sits next to Dan who instantly jumps and buries his head father into his bedding. "WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" he screams. Phil feels more tears coming. Dan's never spoken to him like this. Dan looks up after 30 seconds of silence, he sees Phil and frowns, those bloodshot eyes, the tear stains and the red face is enough to flood Dans body with guilt. Dan puts his head in his hands, he sits on his bed, legs crossed and whimpers, "God Phil... I'm..." he begins to sob again. "I'M SUCH A MESS! I'M SOR-" Phil hugs Dan and instantly breaks down. "I'm sorry too!" Dan burrows his head into Phils chest, Phils arms wrapped around him. Phils tears soak Dans hair. "Phil... Wh...What happens now?" Dan pulls away from Phil and looks into his eyes. "What do you mean?" Phil questions Dan. "I mean... Are things going to go back to normal or..." Dan holds back a tear as Phil pulls him back into his embrace. "Don't worry... Life is a dream, for us, it's one hell of a dream... Every dream has the potential to become a nightmare... We just have to survive the nightmares to get back to the dream." He holds Dan at arms length, gripping onto his shoulders firmly, locking their eyes together. "And we, Dan, survived the most apocalyptic nightmare, it prepares us for our next nightmare. As long as I'm here, you'll never have to face another nightmare again. You understand? I'll never let this happen ever again. I promise."


End file.
